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Consumed

Anger. It’s the all consuming feeling of rage, distaste, and frustration all rolled into one. It’s so vile a feeling that it can literally leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Or maybe that’s just the blood from biting your tongue so hard. Anger. It feels as if there’s something erupting inside of you and any moment you can explode with evil words or even actions. Watch yourself, because you can get hurt. Or worse, you can hurt someone else. But would that really be worse? Would it really be the worst thing to cause harm to those causing you this anger? Isn’t that what revenge is? And isn’t anger what sparks revenge?

But no. You can’t. You mustn’t. What will that do to you? To your loved loves? To your future? To put it all on the line just because of how angry you are is stupid and impulsive. But aren’t you impulsive? Impulsive because you’re passionate, impulsive because once something is ignited in you, that fire will continue to grow until you do what you feel you need to do.

Raw. Anger is raw emotion. It makes you think things that you never thought possible. It makes you want to do things that you know will bury you deep in the folds of your anger and frustration. It will suffocate you until you find a way to tear through your own body and abandon your thoughts of “maybe” and “what if” and “be careful”. Your rational, racing thoughts. Push them to the side and do what the anger wants you to do. Rational is not what you want to hear right now. You want to be angry, you want to feel this, you want to cause destruction.

You’re angry, so angry that you’re having trouble thinking of the words required to speak and now you’re just cursing and yelling because the anger has consumed you, the anger is taking over, and it’s making you into someone scary, someone aggressive, someone who wants to inflict pain on the person who made you this way. But you’re not like this. This isn’t you.

Do you let this person get to you so much? Do you allow them to reside so deep in your soul that they cause this emotion of hatred and spite? Do you allow them to control your thoughts and your actions? Do you allow yourself to become obsessed with playing out your next conversation with them? Yes. Yes, you do. Because that is what anger does. It enrages you, pushes you, and even inspires you. Maybe not in a good way, but hey, inspiration is inspiration, right? It holds you hostage until you find a way to spit it out. You must find a way to spit it out. But how? How am I going to spit out this anger without making it worse?

 

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